Fishy Iphones and T Octopus

2007 will be more exciting than the last bond. Why? Because Apple of the world wants to show what is a cell phone, and BenQ Mobile is finally fed. We predict the top news 2007-every month.

New year’s Eve is long over, remove lead I hope disposed of in hazardous waste and the first predictions are long since obsolete.

So, time to reflect on what lies ahead in this industry around mobile telephony. Large events throw with various shadow to, depending on which way you light it. We examine the 12 top events of this year with the hot blast of our journalistic satirical expertise.

January: Sagem Mobile Phones In Tahiti

January first took over French Polynesia as a French overseas country (pays d’outre-mer) the euro as official currency (so true!).

You can pay telephone cards with the saving cents from home in no distant country in this world. One more reason for holidays in Tahiti or the inflatable boat somewhere on the 4,000,000 km2 of the territory. On the occasion of Euroization, Sagem bought a UMTS phone with all the bells and whistles every hundredth of 240,000 inhabitants. Super! Too bad that the local network operator Tikiphone offers only GSM 900.

February: Grundig Buys Benq Mobile

At the 3GSM World Congress in Barcelona Mobile Announces Grundig to have – BenQ Mobile applied for 49.99 euros without a contract.

First, rumors making the rounds, Grundig only the espresso machine from the BenQ canteen wants to take over like – the rest of the company become a Grundig emit in a shoe box in which Siemens gate. On demand, Grundig but insists it would build on the good old values of German engineering with this merger and therefore call the new company, “Siemens by Grundig Mobile”.

In the spirit of the ancestors, you will now rush and scratch build mainly the Development Department. With first products (15 single-band phones for Tahiti) is to be expected but already for 2008.

March: Benq Mobile Sinks Into The Pond

The Japanese mobile phone manufacturers NEC buys “Siemens by Grundig Mobile” for 5.99 dollars. Supposedly, the espresso machine was broken.

The NEC Chief on a koi carp pond leaves what’s left of the German engineering, – a small bowl of rice paper.Thousands NEC employees attend the fall and meditate on management mistakes. I’m sure that there is depressed mood in the rather empty mobile Hall of CeBIT. Behind the scenes but is celebrated: all enjoy more space on the market, already complete betting who can cut down the thickest slice of BenQ’s market share. Loud cheers with Sagem: The French are at the finish of all dreams, as they move up to fifth in the German sales statistics.

April: Fischige Iphones By Prada

The fakes are coming! No, we my not the gentlemen who drink only diluted water, sitting on red hot nails and right arm hold up, until he is withered away.

We my deeply abhorrent and illegal replicas of the Apple iPhone, which left the Chinese courtyards in large quantities, well disguised as Haifischflossensuppen or Prada handbags. Fearing that the Customs the originals will not recognize in a few months as such and as fakes stomp a, Apple publishes a list of “Nono”: The device can be therefore no real iPhone when you can hear only music, which at

May–Nokia Wins Eurovision

Held in Helsinki of the Eurovision Song Contest 2007 and again wins the local horror rockers Lordi – this time with a shocker version of the default Nokia ring tone.

That Lordi and its vassals in Nokia rubber boots complete with logo, doubts as to the independence of art gives critics and audience come up. When Lordi but eats a N93i alive in the course of the play, the doubters are reassured.

The international electorate proves with his decision that “Nokia Tune” is known as the “Satisfaction” of the stones and is understood everywhere. Hardly the first tones, sounding somewhere between Tahiti and Tajikistan is a groan by the people: “another one who does not know how to set a proper ringtone!”

June: Bill Gates Buys Iphone – Almost

The Apple iPhone comes in the US market and is sold out after a few hours.

No wonder: Tens of thousands foreign IT-journalists stormed masquerading as ordinary Americans – the shops, to win the global race to be the first full test with a serial device. There also sharp security checks before the Apple stores helped nothing.

Our colleague was successful. He had dressed totally believable as impoverished Bill Gates and was thus promptly penetrated. Point out homeland security decides to continue to tighten the visa requirements for foreign journalists. A journalist visa receives only, who can boast the invitation of an own related natives living in at least third generation in the United States and is not related to a foreign journalist.

July: Microsoft Brings Dossosaurus Cell Phone

Middle of the month ends Microsoft’s support for Windows 98 Second Edition.On the occasion of this historic date, Microsoft along with HTC brings out a nostalgia phone.

It has only a DOS Console instead of a graphical user interface.The package a compendium of the most common commands of of DOS, without which the user out of the thing not even time out can squeeze, let alone another user ping, is in UH: call. Great: In the 64 kilobyte space of the phones named DOSsosaurus loose a few names and phone numbers can be accommodate.Surprisingly many people cope after a short acclimatization with DOS better than with Windows Vista. Microsoft decides to develop but no new mobile OS on Vista Basic but prefer to license the Mac OS of the iPhone.

August: GPS Replaces No Scout

In August, the International Scout movement celebrates its 100th anniversary.

Given the galloping trend to GPS mobile phones, the upper Scouts but wonder if not immediate self termination was announced. Luckily is timely noticed that mobile phones due to lack of power do not work in the really challenging areas of this earth – for example Pusematuckel in anterior Pomeranian – and at all: so long the Navi OEM develop not a GPS feature, the grannies by Across the street, beamt, Scouts remain timeless currently satellite signal.

September: Nokia Brings Wurz Phone

Nokia has received with that rivale flower of the year is cause enough for a special edition of the florists phones 7373.

This is now no longer adorned with jugendstylisch stylized floral elements. Rather, the Special Edition called 7373 BNW is designed along the lines of the rivale. Mushroom of the year is the dolls core Club (Cordyceps militaris).Motorola does not have after long thought, an appropriately designed water and spores-dense Bluetooth headset on the market to bring, although the international scene of the amateur Mycologist after a well camouflaged outdoor headset for mushroom hunting practically hungry.

October–T-Mobile Brings Hug & Plug

René Obermann (former T-Mobile boss, now total Telecom Lichtgestalt) saves the group by he brings together mobile and fixed-line network.

T-Mobile provides all mobile phones with a cable, that can plug the user in any fixed power socket. Thanks to a Java software called Mobile fixed line extension, the landline is no longer bound to a physical location. “Plug -and-call” T-mobile calls this concept: on the way the customer via fixed-line and mobile – phone call when he plugs himself.

Well-informed circles report internally call Obermann ‘Hug & plug’-the whole thing but the embrace of fixed network through the mobile phone. Or vice versa? “No matter: all one, all mine” says top man on demand and melts into T-com and T-Mobile back to the good old T Octopus.

November: Who Wants Sushi Phones Already?

Samsung presents the first mobile phone with 14 megapixel camera and 300 mm zoom – at a company party allegedly visually.

Critical demands, however, shown that a Manager in the rice schnapps had exaggerated a bit: the phone but at least has a 1.400fachen digital zoom. Asked, what should this humbug, talking out to Samsung on the record obsession with Western customers. “Big, big, big, bigger, the dear-so you want it but over here in the West. Also at dinner: I’m just saying: Big Mac! “, the question is quoted after hangovers. And further: “we Asians like Yes actually prefer the small things. Sushi for example!”

December: Mail Boxes To Scanners!

On December 31 the letter monopoly of the post expires in Germany permanently.

Since already 279 new competitors in the wings lurk, the post does not even embarks on the fight and stops the delivery service on time at midnight. René Obermann to take in terms of its “all one, all mine” strategy his chance, breaks up the post T-com and opens up a whole new delivery model: all letter boxes are replaced by scanner. The customer inserts his letter, which is scanned and sent either via email or MMS to the addressee. So fast it creates not a competitor. Supposedly, Obermann with Scotty works on a similar solution for packages.